***
i reach for him
my body already numb
from too much pinot noir
and anticipate his rejection.
i know he doesn’t mean it but god does
it hurt that he’s left me with only
the shell of his body, his inner core
on retreat in the world of sorrow.
i deal with life for the both of us.
i repaint the pink walls white.
i donate the little dresses to charity.
i put the picture books into boxes
unable to keep from reading each one.
my fingers caress the brightness
on the pages. i hold the hard covers
against my face, nudging the word
love that always seems to be in
the title with my cheek.
leap into me love
never let me go.
tonight the boundary
between our worlds finally collide.
when i reach for him
he lets me hold him.
he lets his body relax into mine
and i feel a piece of darkness
slip out from under us.
you are my sunshine
my only sunshine i say
rubbing his back
kissing the tears away.
we were supposed to sing it to her
i say as our bodies rock back and forth
finally wading through the pain together.
–lissa
