closing the flood gates of sorrow

photo by mrtriggerfinger.


his sadness is the kind that clings, fills oceans, and causes floods in your desire to help make him whole.

i want to infuse him with love. i want to be the heat that recedes the depth of his need. i’m not the first; perhaps the number of people who have felt the same could fill a small country. when he allows it, his charm hides his infinite voids, and he makes you laugh in places that feel like they were created by him. he awakens dead tissue in your love organ.

the chambers of my heart swell for him. i wrap my body around him and try to immerse love into his pores, try to let touch be a filter for my feelings.

he is the master of his own destiny though. i cannot drift to the dreamland he goes to with tall five-eyed monsters who tell him he’s not good enough so many times that he starts to foam at the mouth and shake.

i place cold wash cloths against his temple when he’s stilled. i press my lips against his and breathe warm, giant gulps of life into the depths of his lungs. you will never drown me like the others, i whisper when his breathing still hasn’t become regular. let it out.

he hides his face in my chest and softly cries the monsters out from his soul. i love you, he says, the vibration of his words stroking the middle of my chest. there’s a brief moment before he falls back to sleep where i see a sliver of darkness, a portion of his ocean of sadness, dissipate. it closes the flood gates another inch; it keeps me swimming.


About lissa e.

Lissa's offerings include integrative mental health care, meditation and mindful movement (yoga, qigong, improvisation) instruction, and writings offered in an inclusive, compassionate, culturally responsive, and social justice-oriented framework as part of a lifelong mission to reduce suffering for all beings. If you appreciate this offering and would like to support Lissa and their mission to offer sliding scale and donation-based offerings, feel free to donate at venmo @embodiedheartmind or Thank you. View all posts by lissa e.

13 responses to “closing the flood gates of sorrow

  • whypaisley

    holy shit girl.. that is sooo intense… takes me back,, and makes me feel… thank you for this…

    wow… i am so envious of the fact that you still have emotion like that in your live… for real.

  • lissa

    wow, I am always amaze at the way you pour emotions into your writings, always so vivid in visual delight or despair, it pulls into the story, makes me feel what you’re feeling

  • Paul

    For me, this is a kind of fantasy writing in two ways. Firstly it is fantastically well written, so real in its detail and so alive in its emotion. Secondly I think most men would admit that they have felt like that character is feeling at some time and the woman you have written is perfect, a fantasy of what every man would want a woman to feel for him and to do in that situation. Absolutely gorgeous writing in both ways. In every way.

  • cornishevangelist

    From Billy
    No Condemnation
    Although your flesh continues to fail you, it still does not change the fact that in Christ Jesus you are His child, and that the only thing that can separate you from God is unconfessed sin.
    Cornishevangelist’s Weblog

  • johemmant

    the last stanza is wonderful, it vibrates out and on

  • nathan1313

    I love this especially “makes you laugh in places that feel like they were created by him.” You can articulate these moments of emotion that are usually wordlessly felt.

  • thehappymisfit

    this is so beautiful Lissa, “it keeps me swimming” i adore this last line, such a perfect closing.

  • devil mood

    You are so good at this :) You immersed us too, in your flood of emotion!

  • ybonesy

    You’ve painted with not very many words a picture of someone who seems so familiar to me. Both me, the one who wants to heal and save, and him. I suppose that’s what good writing does. Hits a universal chord.

  • Tina

    Rich & wonderful….nice job lissa. :)

  • Cynthia

    …and softly cries the monsters out of his soul…to be
    this for someone is a miracle…you’ve gone into the deep
    again, with your fine mind & heart, lissa.

  • Princess Pointful

    I love the image of water, which can be the most freeing thing ever, or just take you over.

  • pieceofpie

    a beautiful song of love… it is a mystery how one loves hidden underneath… as if the water is a layer he soaks in to hide… in the briefest of moments all else disappears and when touched tho he remembers not and if he does he tries not to… a lovely desire to make him whole…a far off dream once remembered thank you….

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