untitled sadness


photo
by guiba6.

***

sometimes he calls me and i remember
what joy is like — a small explosion
that leaves quiet flecks of longing
in its wake.

around him i pretend loneliness builds bridges
in the hollow walls of my heart.
i smother the fire out of my sadness
by pressing myself against a tiny clump
of grey covers to keep from writhing
into an unacceptable wrinkle of rage.

if he wasn’t the god of my world
maybe i could tell him i cry myself to sleep
wondering if my destiny is enduring
the empty embraces of my cold winter arms.

i protect him from my sadness instead
and talk about the sixteen degree weather
how my body turned winter cold for hours
no matter how close i leaned against the radiator.

i laugh and the sound sticks to my throat
when i say i finished and published my book
about the seven steps to conquer solitude
because of the blessedly empty winters.

he laughs and tell me how easy i have it.
yeah, i say, wrapping the phone cord around my arm
closing my eyes to stop the sticky stream of sadness.

-lissa

About lissa e.

Lissa's offerings include integrative mental health care, meditation and mindful movement (yoga, qigong, improvisation) instruction, and writings offered in an inclusive, compassionate, culturally responsive, and social justice-oriented framework as part of a lifelong mission to reduce suffering for all beings. If you appreciate this offering and would like to support Lissa and their mission to offer sliding scale and donation-based offerings, feel free to donate at venmo @embodiedheartmind or https://www.paypal.me/embodiedheartmind. Thank you. View all posts by lissa e.

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